I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
