dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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