it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
