i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
