This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
