Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize