Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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