I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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