Having a random hookup so left but love u
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
