Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
