the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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