fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
