it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
