And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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