Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Randomize
