ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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