he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
