haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
