bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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