Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
