watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
