he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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