I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
