That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
