There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
