nut hugger
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize