party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
