Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
They took my balls.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
