We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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