Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
