considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
