Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dicks are not precious.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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