I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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