Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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