It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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