Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
