I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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