You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
