My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
