Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
