I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the day after is always just damage control
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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