So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
