He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
