I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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