i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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