Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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