i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
pop tarts are not kleenex
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
