he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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