grandma shit on top of the toilet
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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