You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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