She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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