I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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