I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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