My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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