What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize