I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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