Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
