She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Bring me that man meat
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
