how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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