That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
