I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
