my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize