Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
