forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
