saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
