Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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